Fake News
written by Martha Throebeck
on October 27, 2008
from the creative-funding-sources dept.
Are you a college student who diligently obeys the parking regulations on campus? How dare you, cheapskate! By avoiding parking tickets, you are depriving the university of a valuable revenue stream.
Parking fines at Southeast Missouri State University have decreased 15% during the last year as more students have finally gotten a handle on the college's arcane parking regulations.
Editorial
written by James Baughn
on October 23, 2008
from the bet-you-didn't-expect-that dept.
In previous years, we've held our noses and voted for the lesser evil.
But this year? Both candidates suck equally.
Here we have one candidate who is licking his chops for the opportunity to engage in socialist wealth redistribution.
And then we have Barack Obama. This is not much of a choice.
Instead, TheCapeRock.com would like to officially endorse, uh, you know, the guy nobody has heard about, the token Libertarian candidate. He's the best choice, whatever his name is.
Fake News
written by Martha Throebeck
on June 24, 2008
from the national-cartel-for-athletic-avarice dept.
CAPE GIRARDEAU -- Let the book burnings begin. This week, the NCAA® handed down the punishment for recruiting violations in the SEMO womens basketball program: the elimination of two seasons from the record books. Now it's up to the NCAA Enforcement Squad(tm) to make sure that all references to these games are completely wiped from history.
Fake News
written by Martha Throebeck
on June 15, 2008
from the we-bless-for-less dept.
BENTONVILLE, ARKANSAS -- After successfully conquering groceries, automotive, and even medical care, Wal-Mart is set to announce an expansion into another industry: religion. The retailer will open in-store chapels at 50 select supercenters across the Midwest, offering a full range of spiritual services at discount prices.
Fake News
written by Martha Throebeck
on March 16, 2008
from the maybe-it-will-see-some-use dept.
CAPE GIRARDEAU -- The towering eyesore on Independence Street -- rumored to be a Federal courthouse -- could make the city a fortune. Tourism officials hope to highlight the courthouse as "America's Biggest Boondoggle" and attract visitors curious to see this pinnacle of Federal incompetence.
Fake News
written by Martha Throebeck
on January 10, 2008
from the gimme-gimme-gimme dept.
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- If adults are required to earn so much an hour, then what about children doing chores? Congress addressed that important question this week when the House and Senate voted to impose mandatory allowance requirements for all children asked by their parents to perform work around the house.
"Slavery is illegal," said Rep. Libby Rull (D-California). "So why do parents force children to rake the leaves or take out the trash without compensation? That's just cruel."
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