- Store Owner Discovers Solution To "Merry Christmas Problem"
Martha Throebeck, December 20, 2004
Saying "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" is not a form of bigotry
- Christmas Display Destroyed; Rival Church Suspected
Martha Throebeck, December 6, 2004
The term "holy war" could take on a whole new meaning.
- Family Decides Not To Give Christmas Gifts; Federal Government Investigates
Martha Throebeck, December 1, 2004
Going into debt is an integral part of the American dream, dammit!
- Local Man Invents "Miracle" Weight Loss Pill
Martha Throebeck, November 21, 2004
But don't get too excited just yet.
- Stop The Inauguration! Republicans Disenfranchised Millions Of Voters!
Martha Throebeck, November 11, 2004
The blue states shall rise again.
- Newsflash: Michael Moore Is Actually A Republican!
Martha Throebeck, November 10, 2004
He's a successful entrepreneuer, which disqualifies him as a liberal
- Hoping To Flee The Country? Bush Wants To Help!
Martha Throebeck, November 8, 2004
If liberals move to Europe, it will increase the average IQ of both continents.
- Cardinals Fans Search For Answers After Meltdown
Martha Throebeck, October 30, 2004
Here come the conspiracy theories.
- Panic! Flying Pig Spotted Over Boston
Martha Throebeck, October 27, 2004
We never saw this one coming *splat*
- Beavers Must Obtain Permits To Build Dams
Martha Throebeck, October 18, 2004
It's time to restore fairness to the food chain.
- Electric Company Deploys Surface-To-Squirrel Missiles
Martha Throebeck, October 6, 2004
Why worry about terrorists when squirrels can knock out the power grid so easily?
- Scientists Downgrade Threat Of Flying Pigs
Martha Throebeck, October 5, 2004
The Curse of the Goat continues -- but we're not complaining
- The War Continues: Jackson Petitions To Split From Cape County
Martha Throebeck, September 29, 2004
The insanity refuses to go away.
- Auto Maker Threatens To Boycott California
Martha Throebeck, September 27, 2004
The Left Coast might get left behind.
- The Cape Rock Welcomes CBS To The Fake News Industry
Martha Throebeck, September 20, 2004
We knew you would join us, Dan.
- Downtown Merchants Find Way To Boost Business: Blow Things Up!
Martha Throebeck, September 14, 2004
There's a silver lining to the Bridge Demolition From Hell
- Bush To Offer Incentives For Liberals To Leave The Country
Martha Throebeck, September 7, 2004
Don't let the Statue of Liberty hit you on the way out, Mr. Baldwin
- Doctors Diagnose New Mental Disorders Caused By Reality TV
Martha Throebeck, September 1, 2004
But maybe these viewers are mentally disturbed to begin with?
- County To Stop Maintaining Roads Leading To Jackson
Martha Throebeck, August 30, 2004
Iraq? No, the real war is in Jackson
- New Unofficial Indians Booster Club Forms
Martha Throebeck, August 11, 2004
The college is stuck between a rock and a larger rock.
- Edwards Flip-Flops On Cape Visit
Martha Throebeck, August 5, 2004
But you have to give him credit for showing up in the Home of Rush Limbaugh
- Rust Communications Projected To Achieve World Domination By 2064
Martha Throebeck, August 3, 2004
But only if they don't get squashed first by other large moguls.
- Iran Offers Free Citizenship To US Residents
Martha Throebeck, July 26, 2004
The country hopes that Midwesterners will run to Iran.
- Welcome To Low-Carb-ondale, The Atkins-Friendly City
Martha Throebeck, July 23, 2004
Let's hope the city fathers don't get hurt as they jump on a moving bandwagon.
- Cubs Go Into Tailspin, Threat Of Flying Pigs Diminishes
Martha Throebeck, July 20, 2004
Potential crisis averted... for now.
- Interest Groups Crawl Out Of The Woodwork To Protest "Redhawks"
Martha Throebeck, July 10, 2004
You can't fight Academic Hall
- Federal Government To Release Freshwater Sharks, Piranhas
Martha Throebeck, July 6, 2004
Illegal acts of fun will not be tolerated on federal property.
- SEMO Parking Police Recruited To Hunt Weapons In Iraq
Martha Throebeck, June 14, 2004
Finally, a practical application for the Department of Public Safety.
- Crisis Strikes Newspaper Office
Martha Throebeck, June 8, 2004
The worst case scenario almost comes true.
- Warning: Rubberneckers Next 97 Miles
Martha Throebeck, June 3, 2004
Next year, MoDOT will put an end to the yard sale chaos.
- Dateline August 2001: Bush Warns Against Terror Attack; Democrats Protest
Martha Throebeck, May 19, 2004
It's impossible to please some liberals.
- The Real Truth About Roswell
Martha Throebeck, May 6, 2004
The UFO frenzy started in Cape Girardeau.
- Latest News From The Missouri Legislature
Martha Throebeck, May 3, 2004
The Missouri legislature has done it again.
- Hey, We're Still Offended!
Martha Throebeck, April 10, 2004
Welcome to Rush Limbaugh Hall.
- Rush Limbaugh Donates Millions To University; Biology Department Threatens To Strike
Martha Throebeck, April 1, 2004
Welcome to Rush Limbaugh Hall.
- Shelby The Yellow Dog Unveils Election Platform
Martha Throebeck, March 23, 2004
This dog hopes to get rid of the fat cats in power.
- Man survives for 3 days by eating stuff he found under the cushions of his couch
Cortney Bledsoe of Fayetteville, Arkansas, March 3, 2004
Even a 12 Step Program couldn't help this guy.
- School District Saves Millions By Consolidating With Prison
Martha Throebeck, February 5, 2004
If these students don't fly right, they might wind up across the hall in Cellblock B.
- Network Launches The "Award Show Channel"
Martha Throebeck, February 2, 2004
And the award for the network with the most vapid content goes to...
- MoDOT Invents "Load-Bearing Duct Tape" To Hold Bridges Together
Martha Throebeck, January 29, 2004
Just ignore the rust and dangling wires.
- Land Values Outside Cape Girardeau Expected To Jump
Martha Throebeck, January 27, 2004
With each passing city council meeting, the city is looking less and less appealing.
