Neckred County To Hold Christmas Double-Wide Tour

Martha Throebeck on Sunday, December 3, 2006

from the deck-the-halls-with-rolls-of-duct-tape dept.

NECKRED COUNTY -- Come join the fun as the owners of fifteen double-wide homes throughout the county hold open houses to show off their Christmas cheer. Sponsored by Jed's Mobile Home Emporium & Pawn Shop, the admission price for the entire tour is only a six-pack of beer.

Some of the stops along the tour include:

  • Smithson Home, 1093 Bucksnort Hollow Road: The Smithsons installed a new outbuilding to hold what is probably the county's largest artificial Christmas tree, a pre-lit 33-foot monster assembled by crane. It is decorated with fishing lines and lures, shell casings (in festive red and green colors), assorted beer cans, and strings of pork rinds.

  • Lazy 'I' Ranch, 812 Killer Beagle Drive: The ranch owners have outdone themselves this year with a lighting display on their roof in the form of a Confederate flag, visible from half a mile away. "It was kinda hard to line up all the colored lights just right," explained Elrod Kliethorpe. "The red ones kept burning out, but we got her done."

  • Fairell Home, 523 Kudzu Road: The Fairells have hired an Elvis impersonator to entertain tour visitors as they munch on a delicious spread of possum hot wings, beef jerky vienna sausages, slim jim salad, and cheese wiz fondue, all served in Gertie Fairell's family heirloom Tupperware collection.

  • Schoovener Home, 1190 Nathan Bedford Forrest Road: Bubba Schoovener has put together a fantastic outdoor display in front of his double-wide, featuring luminaries made from McDonalds sacks, target practice deer dressed up as reindeer (with antlers duct-taped into place), and, of course, the creepy Jesus figure with the eyes that follow you.

  • Hanley House, 3778 State Road KK: Bubba Hanley is mighty proud of his Christmas lights display, featuring 13,620 twinkling lights. But he's even prouder of his brand new 52-inch plasma TV in the living room, which he'll be more than happy to show. He hasn't hooked up his satellite dish yet, but the rabbit ears can pick up three stations. "You haven't watched the evening news until you've seen Mike Shain in high-definition," Bubba boasted.

The tour is currently scheduled for the evening of Saturday, December 9, but could be postponed if the forecast calls for any chance of snow. "If Brian Alworth mentions the word 'snow', everybody's going to be at the grocery store anyway and wouldn't have time to host or take the tour," said event organizer Jed Fordman. "So in that case we'll just postpone the whole thing. But otherwise we hope to see ya'll Dec. 9!"