Nobody Notices Ten Commandments Display At Missouri Capitol

Fake News written by Martha Throebeck on Wednesday, March 23, 2005

from the thou-shalt-something-or-other dept.

JEFFERSON CITY -- In a shocking discovery, a member of the ACLU recently stumbled across a stone marker inscribed with the Ten Commandments standing just behind the Missouri Capitol.

"I couldn't believe it," said Libby Roule, Vice President of the Missouri ACLU. "Here we've been fighting all of these court battles in the Deep South, when we've had this ugly monument sitting right here under own noses."

Despite the discovery, the ACLU has decided not to pursue a lawsuit, arguing that it has "bigger fish to fry." For instance, the organization hopes to mount a legal challenge against Christian County, Missouri, requiring that the name be changed to Secular County or something equally benign.

"And frankly," Roule added, "if nobody has ever seen the darn thing sitting next to the capitol, then it must not be that important to people -- or relevent to their everyday lives."

The nearly invisible Ten Commandments monument on the capitol grounds in Jefferson City

Indeed, in a quick survey, only 1 out of 10 bystanders at the capitol grounds knew about the Ten Commandments monument.

Said one tourist, "I thought these displays were illegal. Heck, can we even legally talk about this?" After looking around and noticing a security guard nearby, he said quietly, "I better leave now before I get in trouble..."

However, one local resident did know about the monument. "I'd recommend you keep your mouth shut," he warned this reporter. "I don't want people to think we're a bunch of Bible-thumpers."

Another quick survey revealed that most people don't have any clue about what Commandments mean.

When asked whether he knew the Ten Commandments by heart, one passerby said, "Sorry, but I don't... Uh, I do know that there's something about adultery. And let's see... I vaguely remember a line about honoring thy neighbor's stolen graven images... or whatever."

Later, somebody else responded, "Oh, that was a great movie! But I doubt anybody has ever memorized all of the lines of dialogue. I mean, what kind of a survey is this?"