Letter: We Should Support Tart Reform

Hopefully Fake Letter to the Editor sent by Cass A. Nova on Sunday, February 13, 2005

from the not-talking-about-pop-tarts dept.

To the editor:

In recent weeks, we've been hearing a lot of talk from politicians about tart reform. So far, all of this has amounted to just that: talk. But the time for action is here and Missourians need to stand up in support of this essential reform.

By legalizing prostitution and imposing a tax on tarts, we will be able to raise enough money to fully fund the Missouri education formula and help the children. Meanwhile, police will be able to redeploy their manpower to fight violent crime instead of pursuing streetwalkers.

Tart reform has been an unqualified success in Nevada, and it can save Missouri from bankruptcy. Bible thumbers have dominated this state for too long with their rhetoric that "sex is sinful." But we all know that the real sin is passing up a perfectly good funding opportunity to keep our schools afloat so they can afford to purchase textbooks printed since the Carter Administration.

I would much rather that the perverts of this state have conjugal relations with consenting adults instead of attacking innocent children. Not only can we reduce the incidences of rape and abuse, but the state can make money in the process. Meanwhile, the increased demand for condoms will also help the Missouri economy. I see all of this as a win-win-win situation.

I applaud our elected leaders that have already voiced support for tart reform, and I strongly urge everybody reading this to band together for this worthy cause.

Sincerely,

Cass A. Nova
Unemployed resident of Jackson