Auto Maker Threatens To Boycott California

Fake News written by Martha Throebeck on Monday, September 27, 2004

from the activism-is-a-two-way-street dept.

PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF CALIFORNIA -- Now that Gov. Awwwnold Schwarzenegger has signed into law the world's toughest auto emissions regulations, one auto maker has threatened to shut down all of its California operations and dealerships.

"Left coast liberals are always wanting to boycott things. Well, now we're going to turn the tables and stage our own reverse boycott," said the CEO of Drof Motors. "Put this in your medical marijuana pipe and smoke it!"

A Drof spokesperson explained, "California represents 10% of our US market, so we are reluctant to make such a bold move. But at the rate things are going, cars will be outlawed in California within 50 years, so we might as well get ahead of the curve and prepare for the inevitable."

If Drof goes ahead with its plan, tens of thousands of assembly line workers, dealers, auto repairmen, and other employees will be either "pinkslipped" or forced to relocate to another state.

"I don't know what to think about this," admitted one Drof dealer. "California is great, but I'm starting to think that maybe the inmates are running the asylum around here. Drof's reaction seems a bit like sour grapes, but maybe it really is time to get the heck out of here before it's too late."

Reaction has also been mixed among environmentalists. Said one leader of the Coalition For Keeping The Public Off Public Land, "Dammit, we invented the concept of a boycott, and now Big Evil Corporations have co-opted it! This just isn't fair!"

However, another activist said, "It's about time! Now if only we could eliminate all car companies from this state, then maybe we could have a chance to save the Earth after all. By the way, could you give me a ride? The local bus drivers are on strike and I need to get across town to a meeting of the Association For Telling People How To Live Their Lives."

Ralph Nader was unavailable for comment at press time.