The Cape Rock Welcomes CBS To The Fake News Industry
Fake News written by on Monday, September 20, 2004
As the leading fake news publication in Southeast Missouri, The Cape Rock would like to congratulate CBS and Dan Rather for their decision to enter into the exciting and lucrative fake news industry. By broadcasting a story based on obviously fabricated documents, CBS has forged a new path into the future while tossing aside such archaic baggage as "objectivity", "journalistic integrity" and "the pursuit of the truth."
With this bold step, Dan Rather has joined other pioneers -- such as Jayson Blair, Jon Stewart, and Michael Moore -- who have ushered in a new era of mass media that is no longer handcuffed by the truth. This is the beginning of a golden age for the fake news industry.
Of course, we have always suspected that Dan Rather and CBS (pronounced SeeBS) have been dabbling in fiction. Indeed, it was CBS that had the audacity to broadcast a staged game show and then label it as "reality television." When CBS started pre-empting breaking news stories about Iraq to broadcast breaking news stories about the latest "Survivor" castoff appearing tonight on the Late Show With David Letterman, we knew that something was brewing behind the scenes.
Many critics have demanded that Dan Rather and other executives at CBS resign for their fabricated and mean-spirited story. We at The Cape Rock, however, feel that Rather should be commended for coming out of the closet and admitting that his network has decided to enter headlong into the fake new market.
It's not unusual for corporate CEOs to steer their companies away from stagnant industries and into fast-growing, hip new fields. That's exactly what Dan Rather has deftly accomplished: while ABC, NBC, and CNN continue to fight over the dwindling audience for hard news, CBS has now taken a commanding lead in the fake news competition.
In conclusion, we would like to applaud CBS for adopting a pro-fabrication platform, and we are looking forward to future hoaxes, such as "New Documents Prove George Bush Is Really Hitler's Son" and "Anonymous Source Claims Evil Republicans Have Developed Cure For Cancer But Refuse To Share It With Democrats."
Welcome, Dan Rather, to the exciting world of fake news. We're happy that you've arrived!