California Governor Gray Davis Is A... Genius!
Fake News written by on Wednesday, August 13, 2003
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA, LEFT COAST -- In a shocking announcement, the US Census Bureau revealed that the rate of illegal immigration from Mexico to California has plummeted by nearly 95% during the last year.
"Thanks to California's appalling economy and terrible budget situation, many Mexicans have decided to stay home," explained Ms. Polly Seewonk of the prestigious California Institute For Studying Stuff. "Tiajuana is starting to look mighty good compared with Los Angeles and Sacramento right now..."
Some anti-immigration advocates have already lauded Gov. Gray Davis' for finding a workable solution to stop illegal immigration.
"It's pure genius," explained the founder of the Governor Davis Fan Club (now with five members). "Until now, we've been so focused on sealing the border that we've forgotten the very reason Mexicans sneak into the country in the first place -- the American Dream. By turning California into a hellhole, Gov. Davis has singlehandedly eliminated the reason that immigrants come here. What a brilliant plan!"
California currently has a budget deficit that exceeds the total budgets of 48 states. This is the key to Davis' brilliant plan: by spending the state coffers dry, nobody in their right mind would want to move there.
"The last thing we need to do is recall Davis," said one Sacremento resident. "All of the other candidates have promised to cut spending and spur economic growth -- but these boneheaded policies will only start to encourage immigration again. This is the last thing we want. Let's keep Davis in -- and keep the Mexicans out."
Ahhhhnold was unavailable for comment at press time.