Man Born On April Fools Day Sues To Have Birthday Changed

Fake News written by Martha Throebeck on Tuesday, April 1, 2003

from the field-day-for-bullies dept.

Adolph Hitler of Munich, North Dakota is sick of his name, his body, and his birthday. Born on April 1, 1975, Adolph Hitler, the son of Mary and Bob Hitler, has endured a lifetime of jokes. Earlier today he appeared before a judge and demanded that his birthday be officially changed.

"I hate celebrating my birthday on April Fool's Day," he explained. "Every year I get a never-ending series of gag gifts from my so-called friends. I can't stand it!"

Adolph also wants to legally change his name and undergo a face-lift, but he says those things are not nearly as problematic as his birthday. "I can tolerate the Third Reich jokes and all of the comments about the hideous shape of my nose. But the constant sniggering about being an April Fool is simply too much."

Judge Harold Flafferty has not yet ruled on Hitler's request for a writ of habeus birthday changus, or whatever the heck the Latin term is for legal birthday changes. According to our research, no such request has ever been made in North Dakota -- even from people born on February 29th or December 25th.

However, even though Adolph has endured nearly 2.5 million Hitler, crooked-nose, and April Fool jokes during his life (he uses a pocket calculator to keep track), he still tries to keep his crappy life in perspective. "It could be worse," he muttered. "I could be named Bill Clinton."