Ugly People Protest Against CBS, Survivor

Fake News written by Martha Throebeck on Thursday, February 13, 2003

from the the-only-thing-real-is-the-plastic-surgery dept.

TELEVISION CITY, CA -- Shouting "Discrimination is evil!" and "Not everybody has large knockers!", a group of about two hundred obese, wrinkled, or otherwise not-so-good-looking people protested in front of the CBS studios, demanding that ugly people have a greater presence on TV.

"Just look at 'Survivor'," yelled one protestor. "All the women are bodacious young chics wearing skimpy clothing. And yet the majority of American women are not that hot. How can CBS possibly call this 'reality' TV?"

The National Association for the Advancement of People of Ugliness (the N-A-A-pee-you) and the American Obesity Association have filed a class-action lawsuit against CBS and the producers of Survivor for flagrantly discriminating against, in their words, "anybody that is T&A challenged or waist-size unhindered."

"The is an outrage," exclaimed one outraged NAAPU spokesperson. "Just because I was born with a genetic flaw that compels me to eat 15 pounds of food at one sitting at a buffet doesn't mean I should be automatically disqualified for TV stardom. If discriminating against people because of skin color is wrong, then how can discriminating against people of ugliness be any different? The bigotry must stop."

In addition to the lawsuit and weekly protests in front of television studios, the American Obesity Association is also lobbying for a Constitutional "Equal Rights Adendment for Ugly People" that would require equal treatment in all levels of government for "fat people, ugly people, plain-looking people, and anybody else who isn't supermodel-material."

"There's a double standard in this country," ranted one acne-covered protestor. Anybody who dares say anything even remotely negative about a minority group is tarred and feathered, but if you poke fun at ugly or fat people -- a majority group -- then that's accepted and even encouraged."

A spokesman for CBS argued in rebuttal, "We aren't prejudiced against beauty impaired people. There's plenty of ugly people that have found success in Hollywood... like, uh, Michael Jackson, and umm, uhh, well, uh... Michael Jackson."