AmerenUE Announces New Power Plant For Downtown St. Louis

Fake News written by Martha Throebeck on Saturday, September 8, 2001

from the city-within-a-city dept.

ST. LOUIS -- Instead of bulldozing a mountain, AmerenUE has decided to bulldoze a skyscraper. Last month, the utility company wanted to build a pumped-storage hydroelectric facility at the top of Church Mountain in Reynolds County. However, public outcry sparked by editorials in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch quickly defeated the plan.

But AmerenUE still wants to increase its electricity supply. And they've found the solution: build a new power plant on a tall building across the street from the Post-Dispatch offices.

The new facility will feature a large reservoir perched at the top of a twenty-story building. During the day, the water will rush down tubes, spin a turbine, and flow into a man-made subterranean cavern 1,500 feet below the surface. At night, the water will be pumped back to the top of the building.

"Those hippie get-back-to-earth spirtualists at the Post-Dispatch whined that our Church Mountain proposal would ruin the natural beauty of the St. Francois Mountains," explained an engineer for the power company. "Well, there isn't any natural beauty to speak of in downtown St. Louis! So hopefully their editorial board will shut up."

He added with a sinister laugh, "And if they still don't like our plans, then we'll just have to make sure their offices are the first to suffer brownouts the next time we run low on electricity."