Boeing Lands In Cape Girardeau

Fake News written by Martha Throebeck on Saturday, May 12, 2001

from the more-bragging-rights dept.

Mr. and Mrs. Tom Boeing came to Cape Girardeau yesterday to accept congratulations for designating the city as the Boeing family's new home. Tom Boeing arrived at City Hall around 1:10 p.m. to make the press announcement that his family is moving to Cape from Seattle, bypassing offers from other cities including Keokuk, Iowa, Fargo, North Dakota, and Dothan, Alabama.

"It was a tough decision," Mr. Boeing said. "We spent several long family meetings discussing the pros and cons of each city before finally deciding that Cape Girardeau sucked the least. We think our relocation to Southeast Missouri will have lasting benefits for the Boeing family and for this community."

City Councilman William Faux was jubilant over the decision. "We've been trying to land the Boeing family for two months now. It's gratifying that our efforts have paid off. With our population now increasing by 7 people, this represents another step towards Missouri domination."

He added, "Take that, Keokuk! We can kick your city's [expletive] any day of the week!"

Mr. Boeing wouldn't say what factor led to the ultimate decision to relocate to Cape, but we at The Cape Rock suspect the $19.95 tax credit gift certificate the city offered as a financial incentive may have played a role.

The family hopes to move in to their new facility at an undisclosed subdivision on the west end of town by the beginning of July. "We're pumped and ready to start life in the City of Roses," Mrs. Boeing said during the press conference. "Hey, by the way, does anybody know where those roses are at?"

With the Boeings now in the bag, the city has its sights set on several other families that are comtemplating a relocation, including the Fords, Ayteeandtees, Anheusers, and Dells.

Councilman Faux said, "It's not going to be easy, but with the Boeing family relocation, and the earlier expansion of the Procter family, we think we can build a strong case for other families to move to this fair city."