Hollywood Markets Children's Material To Adults!

Fake News written by Martha Throebeck on Thursday, May 3, 2001

from the the-dinosaur-must-die dept.

Senator Joseph Loserman is on a mission. He's spearheading a Congressional inquiry to probe whether Hollywood scumbags are targeting shows like "Blarney The Putred Dinosaur", "Telefatties", and "The Wonderful World Of Disney Advertising" to adults instead of children.

"The insanity must end! How many adults will have their lives ruined by this toxic waste coming from the Hollywood sewer system?" Loserman asked during a press conference. "Last year a man in Springfield, Missouri went insane after being forced to watch a 'Blarney' marathon with his young son for six hours. This is not an isolated incident."

According to the Senator, Hollywood scumbags schedule commercials for children's programming during primetime hours when adults are more likely to watch TV. "It's all a conspiracy to force adults to watch programs that are hazardous to their mental health and well-being," Loserman said.

A study released this week by a media watchdog group seems to back up Loserman's assertions. "The voluntary rating system in which non-adult programming is labeled as 'G' just isn't working. People over the age of 10 can waltz into any store and purchase a harmful video without presenting an ID," explained a researcher behind the study.

Loserman is advocating a crackdown on children's material. "The First Amendment does not give Hollywood suits the right to brainwash adults into watching some show in which a guy dressed as a purple dinosaur says 'I love you' three million times while dancing around like an idiot. It's been proven that such material can lead to violent and irrational tendencies in every age group except the youngest children. We must take action now before the fabric of society is destroyed!"