Students In Mrs. Konarski's Third Grade Class Demand A Recount

Fake News written by James Baughn on Sunday, November 12, 2000

from the this-is-getting-out-of-hand dept.

JACKSON -- Following lower than expected scores on a multiple choice test in Social Studies, third-grades in Mrs. Konarski's class are demanding a recount of their scan sheets. The teacher promised the class a pizza party if the class scored an average of 85% on the test, but the class only scored 84.9%.

"This is an outrage," exclaimed Cory Wilson, the student who is spearheading the "We Scored More!" campaign. "The layout of these scan sheets was confusing, and the automatic counting machine is flawed. We demand a recount... or better, yet, a second test!"

At issue is Question 10, which almost every student missed. "The question was poorly worded, confusing, and just plain wrong, causing everyone to fill in the bubble for 'B' instead of 'C'," explained class member Taylor Bullock.

The students are also questioning another testing irregularity: the teacher refused to give Dillon Jones a new scan sheet after he had spoiled his first one.

"I accidentally skipped a row of bubbles, causing most of my answers to be wrong. I requested a new sheet, but Mrs. Konarski just told me to erase and start over. I suspect the tabulating machine gave me a lower score than I should've got because of this," Dillon said.

Another student chimed in, "The counting machine is prone to errors. If you don't fully erase a bubble after making a mistake, or forget to use a Number 2 pencil, then the machine will count it wrong. We demand a hand recount of our sheets to eliminate this injustice!"

That's not all. Some students are upset over preliminary projections that turned out to be wrong. Dillon Jones said, "The day after the test, the teacher only had enough time to run five sheets through the machine. She told us during class that the preliminary results showed that we would have a 93% average. It wasn't until the other sheets were tallied -- including those of three 'D-' students -- that the average slipped. This simply isn't fair -- we had our hopes up for nothing."

However, the teacher remains defiant. "I put all the cards through the machine three times and each time the average score dropped by 0.1%. I think my students we'll just keep demanding recounts until they get the score they want. That's not fair. Besides, I don't get paid enough to put up with this crap -- I'm not going to do a manual recount."

The issue will probably not be resolved soon. Cory Wilson has appealed the matter to the school principal, who may or may not act on the matter next Monday.

We'll keep you abrest of this unfolding situation as more fake details continue to come in over the wire.