There's One Thing We Can All Agree On: Dan Rather Needs To Go!

Editorial written by James Baughn on Saturday, November 11, 2000

from the insert-stupid-dan-rather-saying-here dept.

PALM BEACH, FLORIDA -- Americans might be evenly divided over politics, but there's one issue nearly 99% of the American electorate can truly agree upon: the TV networks suck.

We might be severely divided over socioeconomic, ethnic, gender, and geographical lines. But when it comes to biased TV coverage and Dan Rather's whole parade of stupid puns, we can stand up as a united whole and shout in unison, "Resign, Rather! Bye Bye, Brokaw! Sayonara, Stephanopolis! Just leave, Jennings!"

We might be completely undecided over who the next President should be. But we can say with much decisiveness that the TV networks need to get a clue. SeeBS, CNN (Certainly Not Neutral), NBC (National Biased Coverage), FOX (Full Of eXcrement), and all the others should refrain from announcing preliminary exit poll results until all of the votes have been cast.

We might be in the grips of paralysis and gridlock as the Election From Hell unfolds. But we can still demand that Congress immediately act on election reforms. In particular, the office of "TV Network Anchor" should be made into an elected position, decided by the "will of the people" (whatever the heck that is) every four years. The Rathers and Brokaws of the world have too much power to influence and reshape political opinion according to their biased agendas, and should be held accountable by the American electorate.

We might in the midst of a Constitutional Crisis that could undermine the authority of the next President (assuming one is actually announced before 2004). But we still have the authority to stand up as a nation and yell, "We've had enough of this crap! No more exit polls! No more stupid Ratherisms! No more biased coverage! No more trying to influence the last-minute undecided voters on the West Coast with bogus projections!"

And we can shout from the rooftops in a booming voice heard loud and clear all across this nation: "No more bullshit!"