The "Lesser Evil" Endorsements: Picking The Best Of The Worst

Feature written by James Baughn on Monday, November 6, 2000

from the as-if-anyone-really-cares dept.

Do voters actually change their minds because of the endorsements they read in a news publication? Of course not. But that isn't going to stop me from going on record and endorsing the candidates and issues that I feel are the best of the worst.

The Presidential Race

Al Gore: 100% evil
George W. Bush: Only 99% evil
Harry Browne: It's a shame he only received about 3.2 milliseconds of coverage on the major networks.
Ralph Nader: He's done more to help Dubya's campaign than Dubya has. Not that I'm complaining or anything.

US Senate

Mel Carnahan: Dead
John Ashcroft: Alive, but 100% evil
Some third party candidate I've never heard of: I'm voting a straight ABCOA (Anybody But Carnahan Or Ashcroft) ticket.


Bob Holden: One of the only half-way decent Democratic candidates I've seen...
Jim Talent: ...But Talent is better. So there.
Larry Rice: It's nice to see someone buck the establishment with a relatively credible independent campaign. If it was any other race, he'd be a shoe-in against any of the jokers the Democrats or Republicans are running. Unfortunately, his two opponents in this race aren't that bad. Sorry, but Larry should've ran for US Senate instead.

Lieutenant Governor

Who cares?

Proposition A

I'm voting yes. After suffering from countless unsolicited phone calls, spam email messages, junk mail, billboards, and all the other trappings of a society dominated by marketing scum, it's nice to be able to vote against rampant advertising for a change.

Proposition B

In some ways I'd like to see this pass, if only for the opportunity to run a "Prop B Passes -- Candidates Immediately Line Up At The Feed Troughs For State Handouts" headline.

But in the final analysis this is probably the worst Missouri proposition ever conceived in the last decade. I'm voting no.

Who the heck actually signed their names to the petition to put this on the ballot? Are they so gullible and naive that they honestly believe that this is a sincere effort at "campaign finance reform?" If so, then I have a nice bridge that they might be interested in buying.

County Planning & Zoning

I'm voting no. I've seen too many examples of zoning laws going awry -- from the arrest of an elderly lady in Little Rock who refused to remove the bars from her windows, to the Ohio man fined for building a cornfield maze on his own farm.

While those kinds of shenanigans probably wouldn't occur under the proposed ordinance (assuming you can actually read and comprehend the dense tangle of legalese within it), there's nothing to prevent abuses from happening in the future.

Jackson School Bond Issue

I recommend you vote yes, if only to put a stop to the parade of teary-eyed 9th graders whining about how their entire education is ruined because it takes them 2 minutes longer to traverse crowded hallways from one class to the next.

The overcrowding situation has existed at the junior high since at least 1990. Even after the construction of the new middle school, when the 7th grade was moved away from the junior high, the school still had attendance far above its design capacity.

This leads me to wonder whether the addition of new classrooms will really solve the problem of overcrowding, or whether it's just a temporary band-aid that will likely fall off in 3 or 4 years when even more students enroll.

At any rate, not building an addition to the junior high will certainly not help matters, so it's better to just bite the bullet and get this damn tax increase over with... even if you really do hate the school board because of you-know-what.