Blomeyer Resident Ecstatic Over Election Results

Fake News written by Martha Throebeck on Wednesday, August 9, 2000

from the is-blomeyer-even-on-the-map? dept.

BLOMEYER, MO -- Morris Perkins was hoping that this would happen. Every single voter in neighboring Dutchtown (all 12 of them) approved a new sales tax to help pay for a levee. Morris figures that the tax in Dutchtown will drive customers to his gas station, Morris' Gas-N-Guzzle-N-Gulp-N-Go, in tiny Blomeyer near the intersection of Highway 25 and 77.

"This is great news," said Morris, who was worried that the Dutchtown sales tax measure might fail. "They need a new levee to hold back the Diversion Channel, and I need more customers. It's a win-win situation."

Morris plans to erect billboards on Highway 25, 74, and 77 warning motorists that the prices at Dutchtown are higher than in Blomeyer because of the sales tax. "My station is only two miles away from the only station in Dutchtown, so hopefully penny-pinching drivers will come the extra distance to save a few pennies."

Business at Morris' station has been rather slow the past few years. "I was hoping that the Highway 25/77 intersection would help to bring in customers. It is, after all, one of the worst intersections in the county, requiring some traffic to slow down unnecessarily," Morris stated. "But everybody just blows through Blomeyer. But maybe that will change."

However, not everybody who lives near Blomeyer is happy about the new Dutchtown tax. "Darnit, I can't stand Morris' convenience store," exclaimed Delbert Owens, proprietor of Delbert's Used Factory-Built Home Lot, the only other business in Blomeyer. "I always get my gas at that station in Dutchtown. So now with the added tax, I'll probably have to drive to Chaffee to get my gas, snack food items, and Stag beer."