Making Money From Parking Problems

Fake News written by Martha Throebeck on Saturday, April 1, 2000

from the it's-about-time! dept.

"Darnit, I wish I'd thought of this first," local businessman says.

CAPE GIRARDEAU -- Everyone at the University complains about parking problems, but nobody does anything about it. Until now. A group of five students have pooled $250,000 in venture capital to build three parking lots near the campus and operate a shuttle service. "I'm sick of parking fees, long walks, and bogus traffic tickets," one the students said.

The students, under the name of NoDips Inc. (where Dips refers to the dreaded Department of Public Safety), have purchased three vacant lots within walking distance of the college to build parking areas on. In fact, two of the lots are closer to the campus than the official "Perimeter" lots that students pay $60 for the privilege of walking to.

The group plans to charge 40 cents per day to park, which comes out to around $32 per semester. "We're not sure how we're going to collect the money or assign spots yet, but you can be rest assured our system will be much better than the college's," one of the students said.

Surprisingly, raising the quarter million dollars for the project was not a problem. Said one of the entrepreneurs, "I keep getting pre-approved credit cards in the mail, no doubt because the college keeps selling my personal information to credit card companies. I always shredded the cards up, until I realized that if I kept them, I would have a $50,000 cumulative credit limit within months! When all five of us pooled together our free platinum and gold credit cards, we had $250,000 already! Of course the interest will be out of the stratosphere, but we predict a large enough demand for parking that we'll pay it off and make a tidy profit."

The parking lots should be in full operation by the Fall 2000 semester. If you're interested, it's recommended you make arrangements now because the waiting list will probably be a mile long before August rolls around.

Representatives from the DPS were unavailable for comment at press time.