Missouri To Host Little Miss Fetus U.S.A. Beauty Pageant

Fake News written by Martha Throebeck on February 1, 2010

ST. LOUIS -- Now children don't have to wait until they are 3 or 4 years old to participate in a major beauty contest. Thanks to the first annual Little Miss Fetus U.S.A. Contest to be held next month in St. Louis, it will be possible for babies to win prizes and fame while still in the womb.

Haiti Relief Money Accidentally Sent To Hayti

Fake News written by Martha Throebeck on January 30, 2010

HAYTI HEIGHTS, MO -- One little typo was responsible for sending $1.6 million in charitable donations to the beleagured town of Hayti Heights instead of the beleagured nation of Haiti. Intended to be used to secure clean drinking water in Haiti, the money will instead be used to secure clean drinking water in Hayti Heights.

SEMO: Please Park Illegally, We Need The Money

Fake News written by Martha Throebeck on October 27, 2008

Are you a college student who diligently obeys the parking regulations on campus? How dare you, cheapskate! By avoiding parking tickets, you are depriving the university of a valuable revenue stream.

Parking fines at Southeast Missouri State University have decreased 15% during the last year as more students have finally gotten a handle on the college's arcane parking regulations.

TheCapeRock.com Endorses What's-His-Name, The Libertarian, For President

Editorial written by James Baughn on October 23, 2008

In previous years, we've held our noses and voted for the lesser evil.

But this year? Both candidates suck equally.

NCAA Dispatches "Enforcement Squad" To Rewrite History

Fake News written by Martha Throebeck on June 24, 2008

CAPE GIRARDEAU -- Let the book burnings begin. This week, the NCAA® handed down the punishment for recruiting violations in the SEMO womens basketball program: the elimination of two seasons from the record books. Now it's up to the NCAA Enforcement Squad(tm) to make sure that all references to these games are completely wiped from history.

Wal-Mart To Offer In-Store Chapels

Fake News written by Martha Throebeck on June 15, 2008

BENTONVILLE, ARKANSAS -- After successfully conquering groceries, automotive, and even medical care, Wal-Mart is set to announce an expansion into another industry: religion. The retailer will open in-store chapels at 50 select supercenters across the Midwest, offering a full range of spiritual services at discount prices.